You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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