Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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