i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
