i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
