I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
