I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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