ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I AM VODKA MAN
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
