hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
