And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
