i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
