We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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