Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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