ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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