Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
