I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
