And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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