Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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