First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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