pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
