I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
