all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
