real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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