I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
