Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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