I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
