Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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