Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
