i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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