oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
