A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
