She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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