Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
