brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
