I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
