Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
