I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I want is dick and wine.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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