doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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