Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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