Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
