i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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