Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
