You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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