apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
