So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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