shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Still dying that you shit outside
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
