if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Randomize
