loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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