my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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