If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
