It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
