oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
