I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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