God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize