Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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