During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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