I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
