Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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