My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
