You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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