My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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