i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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