She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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