My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
