Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
